Life is constantly changing… and we change with it. Things we once loved may no longer be important to us today… and often, we suddenly see things we didn’t like before in a different light — and are able to handle them better.
Our bodies change, both internally and externally… We, as human beings, change throughout every stage of life.
Today, I am an adult woman. My children are grown up now. I am definitely no longer the woman I was at 18… I am also no longer the woman who gave birth to her children at 28 and 34… So many different women have already lived within me… Maybe I am not even exactly the same Vera I was yesterday…?…
Today, I see many things differently. I am able to handle many situations better. I cope better. But on the other hand, there are also parts of me that have always been there. They only change slowly. Sometimes just a little bit… And some never completely disappear. They are as if they are stuck in my brain and my heart.
Often, these are exactly the parts that are very destructive or negative.
People say that these are our inner children, who sometimes cry out inside us. The hurt, fearful, or sad child within us… and yes, that may very well be true… I believe in this theory. I know that this child within me, who is still angry and afraid, often holds me back.
When I am in a very stressful situation, it can happen that I can’t get anything out. It feels like my brain function is paralyzed. All my thoughts are tangled. Panic. A feeling of being lost.
Or the “angry” child appears. This child can even become verbally aggressive. It says things I actually shouldn’t say. Everything happens without really thinking.
There are so many children within me whose presence I would have loved to leave behind a long time ago.
And then there is this one child. For me, it may be the hardest one to deal with. The child that is ashamed of itself.
This ashamed little girl suffers because of herself. She suffers because of what she says, how she looks, and who she is. She feels uncomfortable around other people because she does not feel that she is good enough as she is.
It always feels like it is not liked or loved. Maybe because it cannot truly accept itself. At some point, this little girl felt so deeply that she was wrong and not welcome — or interpreted it that way with her child’s mind — that she built a kind of protective shell around herself.
And this protective shell is something it still carries to this day.
I, as an adult and experienced woman, constantly try to talk to this child within me. Today, I am better able to observe, analyze, and understand situations from the past. I have comforted this little girl many times, and I even think she is doing much better now.
But its presence within me is still there.
I am helping this little girl. I want to show her how she can continue to grow — with all my love and with the perspective I have gained as an adult.
A few things still need to be resolved. But things that are in the past should stay in the past. Right?
Yes, they should.
We have already achieved so much together. This little girl inside me definitely feels much more relaxed now. But we will continue working on ourselves together… We still have so much to learn…
Another process. A process that we are currently going through… and we will not give up…
(*) Professional Support: My content is intended for inspiration and general information. However, if you feel that you may be experiencing depression or another form of emotional distress, it is very important that you seek professional support.
